so w/ this whole “break/breakup” with John, I feel like I’m becoming a bad person. Not Bad like rapin and killin people, but a bad person to myself. does that make any sense? I really dont care if it does or doesnt.
I’m now the only person in my circle of friends who’s single.
I know that shouldnt be a huge deal, but to me it is.
I know that a mojority of the breakup was my fault. I lied about dumb shit. I shouldnt have done that.
I knew that he already had trust issues and I told him that I wouldnt be “one of those girls”
I became “one of those girls”. I tried to fix it, but the damage was done.
I still hurt even though we still talk and such. I just want things to go back to the way they were, when everything was ok.
I’m become bitter towards people who are in happy relationships. I used to have that, but I fucked it up.
And I’m afraid that I’ll never get that back.
Johnathon Stribling: how do we fix our relationship? it’s broken.
I am not 100% confident in things you’ve told me now and if you will be able to be honest
I totally understand him on that. I fucked up. how do you trust a liar? especially when you’ve done it several times before just to get burned again?
Johnathon Stribling: everyone is telling me to let you go
my head is telling you me to let you go
my heart says no though
All of my friends wonder why I stay with some one who can make me feel like such shit.
I stay because he doesnt do it just because, anytime he makes me feel bad, its because I’ve made him feel even worse.
I wish I knew why everything I touch turns to shit. The best relationship I’ve ever had is turning into the most painful thing ever.
Johnathon Stribling: im tired of this shit, do i get upset easily with you, yes…..but i feel i have valid reasons…….im tired of the lies, tired of your ehb…..just tired of all the bullshit……i don’t want to give up but i feel nothing is going to change
That hurt. but nothing hurt as bad as this:
i loved you yes
but i couldn’t handle it
Johnathon Stribling: i wish this would all go away
like i would wake up from this nightmare
and there would be my angel
my perfect baby