Category Archives: Kiaras insight

Such a beautiful letdown

so w/ this whole “break/breakup” with John, I feel like I’m becoming a bad person. Not Bad like rapin and killin people, but a bad person to myself. does that make any sense? I really dont care if it does or doesnt.


I’m now the only person in my circle of friends who’s single.


I know that shouldnt be a huge deal, but to me it is.

I know that a mojority of the breakup was my fault. I lied about dumb shit. I shouldnt have done that.

I knew that he already had trust issues and I told him that I wouldnt be “one of those girls”


ha, WRONG!

I became “one of those girls”. I tried to fix it, but the damage was done.

I still hurt even though we  still talk and such. I just want things to go back to the way they were, when everything was ok.

I’m become bitter towards people who are in happy relationships. I used to have that, but I fucked it up.

And I’m afraid that I’ll never get that back.

Johnathon Stribling: how do we fix our relationship? it’s broken.

I am not 100% confident in things you’ve told me now and if you will be able to be honest

I totally understand him on that. I fucked up. how do you trust a liar? especially when you’ve done it several times before just to get burned again?



Johnathon Stribling: everyone is telling me to let you go

my head is telling you me to let you go

my heart says no though


All of my friends wonder why I stay with some one who can make me feel like such shit.

I stay because he doesnt do it just because, anytime he makes me feel bad, its because I’ve made him feel even worse.


I wish I knew why everything I touch turns to shit. The best relationship I’ve ever had is turning into the most painful thing ever.

Johnathon Stribling: im tired of this shit, do i get upset easily with you, yes…..but i feel i have valid reasons…….im tired of the lies, tired of your ehb…..just tired of all the bullshit……i don’t want to give up but i feel nothing is going to change

That hurt. but nothing hurt as bad as this:

i loved you yes

but i couldn’t handle it

past tense?

i’m not going to say present cause i’m not gonna drag you along not knowing the future
That was like a stab directly to the heart.
but hopefully we can work something out.


Johnathon Stribling:  i wish this would all go away

like i would wake up from this nightmare

and there would be my angel

my perfect baby

my kiara



A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
there’s lots, but 1 in particular:

(I smoke Marlboro Smooths)
they taste like Andes Mints! no joke!


its not sexy, nor is it glamorous!


even though some of my favorite actress’ from the 20-60s smoked:
Marilyn Monroe
Marlene Dietrich
Mae West
Joan Crawford
god i love Joan Crawford!
anywho~ smoking is BAD FOR YOU! its fucks up your entire body!!!
  • your teeth turn yellow
  • your breath stinks
  • it yellows your nails
  • its bad for your lungs, mouth and throat
  • and it can fuck up your baby makin parts!
  • also it makes you stink!!
and dip is no better! John dips and it makes me wanna vomit! plus you have to carry that fuckin water bottle full of your nasty brown spit!
thats a GALLON jar almost full of DIP SPIT
dont get me wrong!! My lungs are prolly pretty gross too– but nobody has to SEE my nasty lungs!
im pretty sure mine arent THAT bad, but still
also– its not secret that smoking causes cancer– but have you seen the shit dip does to your mouth???
I tell john that I can get a new lung or survive with just one, but whats gonna happen when they have to cut his fuckin jaw off???
SEE!!!!!! BAD BAD BAD!!!!
so yeah, just dont do it!!
also you can read this guys blog here
also– smoking is fuckin expensive!!!
think about it– say yo smoke a pack a day- $5
$5 a day x 365 days in a year= $1825.00 a year, on something that is basically killing yourself.
now lets say you’ve smoked since you were 16 and are now 60
$1825.00 a year x 44 years= $80,300.00
that’s a goddamned 2011 MERCEDES CLfuckinS
with money LEFT OVER
so yeah. stop smokin and buy a Mercedes.



Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

There are several things:

these bitches are pretty epic friends and I cant imagine how boring life would be without em.
epic feasts with no utensils
My Friday companion Jeremy
This dummy
And my daddy =]
LOL i dont even know whats goin on in that picture


Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

1)I prefer Diet Coke or Coke Zero over regular Coke

2) I’m a neat freak about every room in the house except for my own
3) I prefer white gold over yellow gold
4)I’m terrified of spiders
5) I like to be on the bottom during sex
6) I regret cutting my hair
7) I read Xiaxues blog religiously
8) I wanted to be a model when I was younger, but then I realized that was never gonna happen lol
9) My vag is pierced
10) It didn’t hurt that much
11) My nipples are pierced
12) They hurt like Hell
13) I have a  “Whore Box” that holds my vibrators, lube and condoms
14) I can’t function without my Blackberry
15) My boyfriend looks like Kim Jong Il according to Jeremy lol

dream car!

its no secret that I like nice things.
so it should be no secret that my dream car is a Big Bourgeois Beast
a Mercedes G-class.
They used to be used in the Army
see! army mercedes!
but yeah~ I would love to own one of these babies. they START at $105,750.00
which basically means that Ima be doin a whole lotta hair,nails,makeup and eyelash extensions.
But it would SOOOOO be worth it.
also Nicole Richie owns one =]
So, i went to the Mercedes website and built my own G-class to MY liking
cuz im Bourgeois.


Exterior:Arctic White$0
Trim:Burl Walnut Wood Trim$0


white on white!
final cost:


so…once i get outta school, anybody want they hair did?


and on another note- I, kiara, have made another blog!

my blog, mostly gal stuff once I get started on it.

actions speak louder than words

first off, Happy Halloween!

anywho- so johnathon called me today while i was out at walmart w/ jeremy and co. to get spray paint for jeremys vest.

i was terribly happy that he called me, cuz i havnt talked to him in like 2 weeks or so? at least not on the phone. we usually communicate via email, skype and fb chat.

i totally miss hearing his voice. ❤


so blah blah, he asks me what i was doing so i told him i was goin to this Halloween party or whatever and he was all like “oh..well have fun.” sounds nice right? WRONG!! he had that tone of voice that he gets before he gets all cunty.

i mean i knew maybe….5 people at this party? and i told him this, and he was all, “im sure you’ll have fun, i mean its a party full of people you dont know.”



Im thinkin he just thought back to the “monkey wrench incident” in which i went to a bar with some friends, had a few guys buy me drinks, got totally wasted and ended up havin to be carried into my house by Brett ( i know brett lol, he wasnt some creeper.)

I told him about all this so I dont see why he got so upset over it, but..idunno.

and  then i went to smoke a cigarette and i had to borrow a lighter and he was all “what you need a lighter for? I thought you were gonna quit smoking.”

I told him that I’d quit smoking by december, im weaning myself off cigarettes. When i quit cold turkey im a CUNT, and im tryin to save the people around me from my cunty ways.

I told him that its a process for me, i cant just stop whenever i feel like it, like he can. and he was all

“youre never gonna quit.”



and he goes on about how Im all talk and no action and such.

*sigh* sometimes i just dont fuckin know how we manage to be together.

i mean im glad he took the time to call me and talk to me.

he even said that the only real cons about being in Afghanistan are that he cant see me or his family.( His pros were that the works easy, he gets to work out as often as he wants and that hes getting paid well and payin off a lot of debts.)

idunno, actions are supposed to speak louder than words right? so I should just be happy he called correct?



starrbuck needs to get his shit together. and so does nikki