Such a beautiful letdown

so w/ this whole “break/breakup” with John, I feel like I’m becoming a bad person. Not Bad like rapin and killin people, but a bad person to myself. does that make any sense? I really dont care if it does or doesnt.

 

I’m now the only person in my circle of friends who’s single.

 

I know that shouldnt be a huge deal, but to me it is.

I know that a mojority of the breakup was my fault. I lied about dumb shit. I shouldnt have done that.

I knew that he already had trust issues and I told him that I wouldnt be “one of those girls”

 

ha, WRONG!

I became “one of those girls”. I tried to fix it, but the damage was done.

I still hurt even though we  still talk and such. I just want things to go back to the way they were, when everything was ok.

I’m become bitter towards people who are in happy relationships. I used to have that, but I fucked it up.

And I’m afraid that I’ll never get that back.

Johnathon Stribling: how do we fix our relationship? it’s broken.

I am not 100% confident in things you’ve told me now and if you will be able to be honest

I totally understand him on that. I fucked up. how do you trust a liar? especially when you’ve done it several times before just to get burned again?

 

 

Johnathon Stribling: everyone is telling me to let you go

my head is telling you me to let you go

my heart says no though

 

All of my friends wonder why I stay with some one who can make me feel like such shit.

I stay because he doesnt do it just because, anytime he makes me feel bad, its because I’ve made him feel even worse.

 

I wish I knew why everything I touch turns to shit. The best relationship I’ve ever had is turning into the most painful thing ever.

Johnathon Stribling: im tired of this shit, do i get upset easily with you, yes…..but i feel i have valid reasons…….im tired of the lies, tired of your ehb…..just tired of all the bullshit……i don’t want to give up but i feel nothing is going to change

That hurt. but nothing hurt as bad as this:

i loved you yes

but i couldn’t handle it

past tense?

i’m not going to say present cause i’m not gonna drag you along not knowing the future
That was like a stab directly to the heart.
but hopefully we can work something out.

 

Johnathon Stribling:  i wish this would all go away

like i would wake up from this nightmare

and there would be my angel

my perfect baby

my kiara

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