so w/ this whole “break/breakup” with John, I feel like I’m becoming a bad person. Not Bad like rapin and killin people, but a bad person to myself. does that make any sense? I really dont care if it does or doesnt.
I’m now the only person in my circle of friends who’s single.
I know that shouldnt be a huge deal, but to me it is.
I know that a mojority of the breakup was my fault. I lied about dumb shit. I shouldnt have done that.
I knew that he already had trust issues and I told him that I wouldnt be “one of those girls”
I became “one of those girls”. I tried to fix it, but the damage was done.
I still hurt even though we still talk and such. I just want things to go back to the way they were, when everything was ok.
I’m become bitter towards people who are in happy relationships. I used to have that, but I fucked it up.
And I’m afraid that I’ll never get that back.
Johnathon Stribling: how do we fix our relationship? it’s broken.
I am not 100% confident in things you’ve told me now and if you will be able to be honest
I totally understand him on that. I fucked up. how do you trust a liar? especially when you’ve done it several times before just to get burned again?
Johnathon Stribling: everyone is telling me to let you go
my head is telling you me to let you go
my heart says no though
All of my friends wonder why I stay with some one who can make me feel like such shit.
I stay because he doesnt do it just because, anytime he makes me feel bad, its because I’ve made him feel even worse.
I wish I knew why everything I touch turns to shit. The best relationship I’ve ever had is turning into the most painful thing ever.
Johnathon Stribling: im tired of this shit, do i get upset easily with you, yes…..but i feel i have valid reasons…….im tired of the lies, tired of your ehb…..just tired of all the bullshit……i don’t want to give up but i feel nothing is going to change
That hurt. but nothing hurt as bad as this:
i loved you yes
but i couldn’t handle it
Johnathon Stribling: i wish this would all go away
like i would wake up from this nightmare
and there would be my angel
my perfect baby
Moving to Blogspot turned out to be a death knell for Calm Down Black Girl when I forgot the URL and summarily gave up on the 30 Day Challenge (Not even a good challenge, to be fair, lots of questions that I didn’t have an answer for. So, fuck off nowadays challenges!). In addition all of the posts that were previously password protected were let open like Pandora’s Box; resulting in the bitter tears of an Asian and a vow to return to wordpress despite the fact that making a visually appealing header is like pulling teeth. So the great work stood abandoned in the vast digital wilderness; a vast edifice forgotten by its creators and the world at large.
(Play the first 30 seconds or so and imagine I’m standing there after kicking open a door and I’m wearing a cape that is flowing in the wind!)
I didn’t take any pictures today. Basically I went to class and took a final. I didn’t feel like that needed photographic evidence. Sorry, blog challenge. Sorry, college. Sorry, mom and dad.
so saturday i had an adventure with Jeremy,Miranda and Nicholas~ totally had to force miranda out of the house lol.
We went to J-mall to get food and fucked around in JcPenney and made Nick try on stupid clothes~
Then we headed over to Harpers to hang out. Our friend Sarah had given Harper 3 bags of clothes to go through a few weeks ago and I finally remembered to look through them!
SO MUCH CUTE STUFF!!
lots of shirts and pants and some lingerie and some Jersey Shore type stuff lol.
We had jeremy try on some size small shirts lol~ he totally Hulked out of those shirts
HOWEVER!! we did manage to find a shirt that fit! and one for Nicholas too!
but thats not the best part! Harper had hot pants and leggings!
HOT PANTS AND LEGGINGS!!!
then another one of my friends came over and got into the swing of things! I promised him that i wouldnt reveal his identity lol
So I have three wishes apparently. This is really a hassle because I have to be very specific with my language so that the genie/monkey’s paw/spooky idol doesn’t kill someone or make me chop my own head off or bring back any terrible zombies. In the end it’s really easier to just not wish for things.
But I’ll play your game this time:
Wish I: I want to get drunk with Lemmy and Shane MacGowan (preferably before he lost his teeth!).
This seems like a pretty awesome idea. I bet they have great stories and later on we’d go out on the town and cause a ruckus.
Wish II: Travel back in time to the 1970s to make out with Christina Lindberg.
I’ve developed an obsession with this woman lately and I refuse to get any help about it. I’d probably want to end up boning her but I’d honestly be satisfied with just feeling her up some. Totally hot, totally Swedish!
Wish III: While I’m back in the 70s I figure I can just catch a plane to New York and catch an early Ramones show.
It’s pretty self-explanatory.